Popcraft

This one time, on drugs, I described The Soft Bulletin as “jamming pop rocks into your eyes, and then your eyes become your ears.”  That is correct!

I can’t do a better job of telling you about The Soft Bulletin than that, so I’m going to talk about my favorite song on the album, The Gash, because it is one of my favorite songs ever, period, the end.

Here is what The Gash is about: a battle cry sung by a martian orchestra with the intention of getting sad sacks across the universe to stop moping and get back on their feet.  Obviously I don’t have drugs helping my descriptive powers right now, but I still think that’s pretty accurate;  The Gash is the biggest-sounding pop song I’ve ever heard.

There are lots of options available to you when you are having hard time and have some headphones on hand.  Some tunes aim to cheer you up, others give you all the room you need to be down, but The Gash is the only song I can think of that is purely, aggressively motivational.

To me, the best pop songs are the ones that work with a simple analogy.  Road trips and candy and telephones can tread dangerously close to cliche if one isn’t careful, but it’s usually a mark of a fantastic songwriter when someone can write the millionth song about empty beer bottles and make it sound like they had the idea first.  In this case, the song is about battle.  Can you guess what the “battle” in this song represents?  Life, sanity, whatever giant concept you want to work in, duh!  Can you guess what the “gash” in this song represents?  Insecurity, depression, whatever dumb crap you keep whining about!

I guess I love The Gash so much because it is so powerful, yet completely willing to call you on your bullshit.  It’s soaring and uplifting, but you still feel like the choir is looming over you, taunting you for being so bogged down.  “Is that gash / in your leg / really why / you have stopped?”  It’s completely okay with the idea that you really might be hurt or broken, but so is everyone else, so just dust yourself off and get with the program, you baby, because you’re still worth the fight.